Week 20

Posted on May 22, 2012 by

I spent the past week in Jamaica on vacation with my family. It was a nice break for me because my hectic summer job will be starting up soon. We stayed at a resort and most of my days were filled with tanning by the pool or napping on the beach. I befriended a graduating class from Mississippi which was quite the experience. One Mississippian, Casey, and I became friends. She was fascinated by the “New Jersey culture.” I informed her that Seaside Heights is only a blip on our coastline and that I don’t personally know Snooki. She had heard a lot of rumors about the east coast and I used the truth to clean them up for her. (For example, most of the Jersey Shore cast isn’t from New Jersey.)

She just blatantly asked me if I was gay, which I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t really think it was appropriate to just ask. On first thought I didn’t want to answer, but anything else would have been a lie. My friend was right when he told me it would be an everyday thing.

Some people in life are living a lie. I guess I used to be one of those people. I spent so much of my life just confused and in denial. I’ve shed that all off and now I’m embracing myself. Not everyone in life is capable doing that though and it’s sad. The truth won’t always be comfortable and it takes time to warm up to. A lot of people fear the truth and spend much of life trying to run away from it. It takes time to figure things out. I dealt with one person this past week who was resting on a bed of lies. I wish this person could be braver but I’m proud of myself for finally standing up for myself and saying something.

I thought my world was gonna crumble when I came out to my parents. It didn’t. It’s all new. My Mom is warming up to it although she still has some questions. My friends and even readers have shown me support which has been nothing but helpful. For that I thank them.

Below is some of the positive feedback I received:

The truth might be scary, but if you embrace it you might reap some great rewards.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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Coming out

Posted on May 15, 2012 by

“I think I’m gay.”

These are the words I uttered to my parents this week in my living room. After weeks of deliberating and years of trying to figure out who I am I finally decided to fill them in on my life.

In my head, and how it played out in reality, vary just a bit. I have two parents that love me more than anything on this earth.  My Dad took the news fine. I knew he would. He doesn’t show emotion a lot, but I know he supports me. I know my Mom loves me but she was the wildcard. I didn’t expect her reaction, but looking back I don’t know what I really expected.

She’s not really taking it well. She can be pretty close-minded. Her initial reaction was shock followed by embarrassment. She had a lot of questions and didn’t really understand. I told her I was happy. I put myself in her shoes and tried to visualize it from her perspective. It wouldn’t be easy news to take. I told her that I still loved her, I’m still her son, and most importantly that I am happy. She’s slowly warming up to it and I know it’s not going to be easy. My Dad said she cried a lot but she keeps telling me she loves me. She has a lot of concerns and just wants the best for me. I know one day she’ll be alright with it. It isn’t going to be in the near future, but hopefully it’s out on the horizon.

A few days went by, and I keep talking to her asking if she has any questions, or if she wants to talk. She really doesn’t want much to do with me. She’s been moping telling me that “I’m too young” to know this stuff when I told her I was sure I was. I keep telling her that I’m happy but she just doesn’t understand. I know she’s judging me, but I know that she will eventually get past this. My Dad told me that I should treat this like “don’t ask, don’t tell,” regarding my relatives. I wish I could have foreseen these things coming.

My friends have shown nothing but support for me which is helping this transition.

One of my good friends reminded me that just because I tell my parents doesn’t mean I’m done. It’s something I’ll have to deal with everyday of my life. This might be the start, but it feels good. I’ve had other friends at school showing me support left and right. They see that I’m happier. I’m finally coming into my own.

When I started this project this is never how I imagined it going. This started as a simple journey to tell the truth for a year and it’s transformed my life. The truth has lead me to seek my own happiness. I’ve always struggled with who I was as a person. I thought these were always things I could shake off and just live a normal life. It has taken some time to realize this but I’ve never been normal and I’m okay with that. I’m done with living in denial and lying to myself. I just want to be happy and I think I’m finally on the right path.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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Week 18

Posted on May 8, 2012 by

As I write this post, I’m deep in the trenches studying for finals. Finals have been insane this week. The library is jam packed and Red Bull fumes fill the air. Finding a good seat is like fighting for a lifeboat on the Titanic. There’s a girl in one of my classes that irks the life out of me. She’s the type who asks to study with you and then spends the entire session complaining about the professor and copying work. I know this because I’ve dealt with it firsthand.

She texted me this week asking to study together. I told her “no.” I need my time for this class because I’m on the cusp of an A. After a little more sternness, she finally got the message. Today at the library she texted me saying, “Hey are you at the library?” I couldn’t ignore her because that falls under a lie of omission so I told her where I was. She only wanted to make photocopies of something. She asked to work together and I told her no again. I knew she would be a distraction and in the fifteen minutes I dealt with her today she was venting about class instead of actually being productive. I was honest and told her I wanted to be alone. She got the hint and finally left. Let’s hope I ace this final.

I’ve spent so much time in the library I’ve actually made a new friend. Her name is Lindsay and I know her through my friend Nick. We’ve been spending a lot of time this past week cramming for finals, reading, and writing papers. It’s nice to have someone watch your stuff when you need to grab a coffee. The three of us were studying when Lindsay found out about my little project. She didn’t believe me so she started asking me plenty of questions. Some people might think of it as interrogation but it didn’t bother me. She asked questions about herself and Nick trying to catch me in a lie. I wasn’t phased and she actually said, “Now that I think about it, you don’t lie.”

She ended up telling me “I’ve been thinking about this whole honesty thing and I think it would be really hard to do.”

As far as relationships in my life go it’s always good to be open and honest with people. I’ve definitely learned this year that if you can be honest with others they will be honest back. Hopefully I’m building a strong foundation for something that can be promising.

Be open with people. Don’t be scared. You never know what will stem from honesty.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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Week 17

Posted on May 1, 2012 by

Apparently according to the world of twitter April 30th was National Honesty Day. So were you honest?

Honesty is important. It’s not only important to be honest with others but yourself as well. So do what you want and make sure you are happy. In life it’s great to please others but we can’t forget to please ourselves.

My semester has almost wrapped up and I have to say I survived. Telling the truth hasn’t killed me. I might have had a few closer brushes with death but isn’t life about taking risks? Looking back, there are somethings I wish I could have lied about but I told the truth and the world didn’t stop spinning. I maintained my group of friends, didn’t get fired from my job, and actually acquired two more jobs on campus.

This week at work I received feedback from giving tours all semester. One family wrote in the comment box that they enjoyed their time and actually appreciated my honesty when they asked me questions.

I’ve found that being honest with others and myself is helping me build stronger bonds and friendships. I’ve definitely grown as a person in these past 17 weeks and I’m excited to see how the rest of the year pans out.

I’m happy and content with life right now and that’s the truth.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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Week 16

Posted on April 24, 2012 by

Survey says, “You are incompetent and have cancelled class an unhealthy amount of times but I don’t care because I don’t wanna take this class to begin with.”

This week my school has been sending out surveys and evaluations for everything imaginable. I’ve filled out three teacher evaluations and about four or five surveys about various campus resources. My school wants my opinion on how my professors are behaving and they are getting the truth from me. One professor isn’t really up to par and I’m making sure it’s known. My school also wants to know how all of the resources offered stack up and I made sure to fill it out honestly. I let them know the one credit “Welcome to College” classes are pointless, the print labs feel like I’m diffusing a bomb, and that I’d rather eat expired peanut butter than frequent the dining hall.

This week I was supposed to read for one of my classes and I didn’t. My professor called on me to summarize it and I told him I didn’t read it. I wasn’t alone and he actually understood. He pushed the assignment back a week.

This week at work we have been calling potential freshman to tell them the deposit day is coming up. We are also calling to ease the process and answer questions for them. Out of the hundred plus people I called this week only one had multiple questions for me.

She was in a place that was all too familiar to me. She had been accepted to two schools. The first (my school) is cheaper but offered her nothing and the second is almost double but offered her a large amount of money in scholarships. My senior year of high school I was in the same boat and I told her flat out how it feels. I told her it wouldn’t matter to me where she went but that she should go where she felt like she belonged.

We talked for almost fifteen minutes. She heard a lot of rumors and had questions that I answered to the best of my ability. At the end of the day her happiness is more important than if she goes to school A or B. We could easily fill her spot but with my honesty it seemed like her heart belonged to my school. Only time will tell. She thanked me and told me that she had been crying earlier because she was so torn.

Telling the truth (when it’s positive) makes me feel better. I feel at ease as of late. Let’s hope this feeling keeps through finals.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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Honestly Awesome

Posted on April 19, 2012 by

Today one of my favorite blogs, 1000 Awesome Things, comes to an epic conclusion.

If you have never see it, I think you should check it out. It’s run by a guy named Neil, who I had the pleasure of meeting. It’s a countdown of life’s simple things that people take for granted. It started when Neil was going through a rough patch and it just goes to show that if times are tough, keep going and enjoy what you have, not what you want. If you are ever feeling down, hurt, or tired it’s guaranteed to cheer you up. It’ll tickle your funny bone and have you agreeing at all of life’s great oddities.

He’s been an inspiration to me. If he can countdown life’s joys for four years I can blog once a week about telling the truth. He’s a great guy and I wish him nothing but the best in the next step of his life. If you click here, you can actually see me on the day I met Mr. Awesome.

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Week 15

Posted on April 17, 2012 by

Think about the white lies you tell on a day to day basis. “Sorry I can’t go, I have a headache.” “I was stuck in traffic that’s why I’m two hours late.” “My cat ate it.” Instead I’m telling my friends I’m late because I was pooping, and I’m telling my professors that I didn’t do the homework because I thought it was boring.  I miss telling white lies. White lies are good for society because they just make everything easier. It’s so much simpler to just use an excuse rather than face the truth. I’m 15 weeks in and that is probably one of the hardest parts so far.

This week I was interviewed for a video that will be shown to incoming freshman. Everyone had rehearsed their answers except for me because I was chosen on the fly to participate. I answered candidly and honestly of course. Questions ranged from advice for students, and things I wish I knew coming in. One question that faced the harsh truth was when I was asked about the food on campus. I am not a fan, and I made it known. I’m sure they will edit that part out but I couldn’t lie to incoming freshman about something I don’t believe myself.

The truth isn’t made for everyone. A lot of people want the truth but only when it’s what they expect. When it’s negative, hurtful, something that they are too blind to see, or just refuse to accept, well that’s when things get messy. As soon as people hear things they don’t like they get defensive. People might get mad at you and may not appreciate your honesty, but that’s okay. Time will eventually fix things and if it doesn’t than at least you can grow from the experience. At the end of the day I know I’m doing the right thing even if others don’t see it.

Life seemed easier when I could lie, but I’ve always liked challenges.

Truthfully yours,

Casey

This has been another week of Me, being honest.

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